5 SECRETS TO AN AMAZING MARRIAGE | MARRIAGE ADVICE IN THE BIBLE

Looking for marriage advice in the Bible and practical ways to have an AMAZING marriage?  In this post I am going to share 5 secrets to an amazing marriage!

 

 

When my husband, Tyler, and I said “I do” nineteen years ago, we had NO IDEA how the road ahead of us would unfold. Actually, nineteen years ago we didn’t even have phones with the capability of sending texts!

We’ve had some INCREDIBLE moments! Buying our first condo and moving in the minute we got the keys, even though we had to sleep on the floor that night, and we both had to be at work early the next morning. The birth of each of our babies.

We’ve also had some really hard, crazy events happen. The hospitalization of our two-year old and no medical answers. Two moves across the state with three babies, all within nine months.  Leading through church crisis.

Life is hard and marriage is hard.  Honestly, the choices that we make day in and day out are what set us up for how we handle both the mountain top and lowest valley moments in marriage.  In this post we will learn 5 secrets from the Bible about how to have an amazing marriage. 

This post is all about finding marriage advice in the Bible and how every marriage has room to grow and get better!

 

Marriage Advice In The Bible

 

If we look to our secular culture for marriage advice, we can expect to end up with the norms of our society.  The media does a really good job of portraying marriage as boring, bondage, invaluable, and dispensable. What’s crazy is this seems to be taking a toll on us as a nation because between 2009 and 2019 marriage rates actually declined according to the U.S. Census, while couples cohabitating continues to rise.

The amazing thing is that God, Himself created the first marriage and said that it was GOOD!  For those of us who are married, we are in an amazing, sacred union!

Looking at Scripture we learn that the purpose of marriage is for deep intimacy, to help balance one another’s weaknesses, to create new life together, and to prioritize the other above every other relationship.

The Apostle Paul actually uses marriage as a metaphor for how Jesus loves His church. Marriage has the potential to be the most meaningful, deep relationship in all of life.

5 Secrets To An Amazing Marriage

 

1.  Prioritize Your Personal Health And Growth.

We cannot give to others what we do not have.  If we are living life stressed out, burned out, and barely getting by then we will not have the capacity to be a healthy contributor to another relationship.  We must prioritize our health. 

The only way to experience true health in our hearts and our minds is through relationship with Jesus.  Not just knowing about Jesus, but knowing Jesus.  

Jesus summed up all of the Bible with this,

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind”.

The first step to a healthy marriage is to daily spend time investing in our health, by spending time with Jesus. 

In his book, Real Marriage, Timothy Keller said, “If we look to our spouses to fill up our tanks in a way that only God can do, we are demanding an impossibility.” 

We must prioritize our physical health as well.  If we don’t feel good, we will not be our best.  In a recent post on stress, I shared practical ways to prioritize our health.  You can read more about that here. 

Commit to prioritizing your personal health so that you have the capacity to prioritize your marriage. 

 

2.  Start Growing Together.

After prioritizing our personal relationship with Jesus and our personal health, we then have capacity to grow with our spouse. 

This can and should be manifested in multiple ways. 

Growing in our Christian faith together.  

This includes gathering together with other Christians on a regular basis.  The author of Hebrews says, 

“And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching”.

Another way that Tyler and I have really enjoyed growing in our faith together is by going through a devotional together.  Decide if mornings or evenings are best for you and your spouse, and put it on your calendar.  Our absolute, all-time FAVORITE devotional that we have gone through together multiple times is New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp.

 

Grow in having fun together often.

Every week take time for just the two of you to have fun!  This might look like getting a cup of coffee and going for a walk around the neighborhood together, taking a bike ride together, going to a restaurant without the kids, whatever is fun for the two of you!

And here is another way to have fun together; in fact God gave Adam and Eve these instructions 

“God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it”. 

 

 

3.  Stop Comparing Your Marriage To Others.

This is one of the biggest traps that we can fall into.  Social media has made this a problem of epic proportions.  On social media, we are exposed to the highlight reel of everyone else’s life.  We see images that are air-brushed and we follow influencers who are constantly shopping and on vacation.  

After watching everyone’s dream world on social media, we come home to a messy house with a thousand projects that need to get done.  Our spouse isn’t perfect and we can find ourselves living with envy and discontentment in our hearts.  That will not lead to health in our marriage.

I personally found that nothing truly helpful came out me following influencers or celebrities on social media and I unfollowed ALL OF THEM.  That simple act gave me back time (not watching their highlight reels anymore) and saved me money (I wasn’t seeing all of the things they purchased on their daily shopping hauls), and didn’t give me an opportunity to be envious of their dreamy beach pictures in the sunset with an umbrella in their drink.  I highly recommend unfollowing any influencer or celebrity that is “costing” you time, peace, joy, or money.

James, the brother of Jesus wrote this 

“Who among you is wise and understanding? By his good conduct he should show that his works are done in the gentleness that comes from wisdom.  But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t boast and deny the truth.  Such wisdom does not come down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic”.

4.  Stop Going to Bed Angry.

We live in a culture that makes it acceptable and even good to give our attention and energy to everyone except for the people in the room with us.  Just look around the next time you are ANYWHERE.  Everyone seems to have their eyes on a screen and not on the humans that are 3 feet in front of them.  

As married couples we need to create safe havens in our homes and when we are together.  At our house, we have a “phone hotel” where we put our phones away so that we are not distracted from meaningful conversation and family meals.

When we have a “disagreement” with our spouse, it’s so easy to drown them out with a screen.  We can be on our phones until the moment we close our eyes to sleep and reach for them first thing when our alarm goes off in the morning. 

We need to take the wisdom given in Ephesians, and never go to bed angry.  The Apostle Paul said this, 

“Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger”.

Prioritize the real people in your life over your screens and commit to resolve your disagreements before you go to bed. 

 

5.  Ask For Help.

We all need people who are further along in life than we are to speak wisdom and encouragement into us.  That’s the beauty of being a part of a local church.  There likely is an older couple with decades of marriage under their belts that have a wealth of wisdom.  

Sometimes we need professional help.  If that’s the case then don’t be embarrassed to seek out a Christian marriage counselor. 

The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about godly counsel

“A fool’s way is right in his own eyes,
but whoever listens to counsel is wise”.

“Plans fail when there is no counsel,
but with many advisers they succeed”.

“The one who trusts in himself is a fool,
but one who walks in wisdom will be safe”.

Conclusion

I’m so thankful that the very best marriage advice we can ever get is marriage advice in the Bible.  The longer that we walk with Jesus, the more we realize how much we need Him.  When we put these 5 (not so) secrets into play, we set ourselves up for an amazing marriage! 

 

I’d love to hear from you.  What is the best marriage advice in the Bible that you have experienced?