Struggle With Anxiety? Me Too.

The following year we took a small commuter plane from Dallas to Springfield, Missouri in January. There were thunder and lightning storms when we left Dallas and tornado warnings when we landed in Springfield and we had the most terrifying flight of my life on the way. The pilot never allowed even the flight attendant to take her seatbelt off the entire flight. Once we landed in Springfield, after kissing the ground, I called my doctor and asked her is she could prescribe medication for my anxiety before the flight home. She did.

I remember that the medication helped take the edge off, but I felt like my head was in a fog, and I didn’t like that feeling so medication never became a consistent part of dealing with anxiety for me.

Since then, I’ve learned to stay busy, push down, ignore, and numb anxiety with distraction. Low grade anxiety has just become a part of normal life for me that I seldom acknowledge or think about.

During this past month I chose to fast some of the biggest distractions in my life, and also only eat real, not ultra-processed foods, so some of my anxiety coping crutches were no longer an option. I felt that low grade pressure in my chest get a little more pressing again, more than I have in a long time.

I recently read a very interesting book, The Book of Waking Up: Experiencing the Divine Love that Reorders a Life. Seth Haines, the author, talks about three shapes of pain, that when not surrendered to God to bring healing, cause us to survive with coping mechanisms to numb the pain. He believes that all of us lean toward one of these root areas of pain:

The pain of scarcity (The deep belief might be one of these: I’m not enough. God’s not enough. God doesn’t care).

The pain of abuse (The deep belief might be one of these: I am not safe. The world is not safe. People are not safe).

The pain of loss (The deep belief might be one of these: I will always be alone. I will end up alone).

C.S. Lewis had this to say about pain

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

I have invited God into helping me identify the root of anxiety in my life and I most definitely am still a work in process. I do believe that the pain of scarcity is something that I have lived with since middle school. I can pinpoint a moment, a time when to my middle school mind, it seemed that maybe God couldn’t or didn’t care enough to heal a loved one. My family prayed and believed for healing for my aunt. She even went to California to be a part of a healing crusade. Someone at the crusade told her that her cancer was healed, and we got to watch the crusade on TV after it happened. Sadly for us, her family, her healing didn’t come until she got to heaven.

I still don’t know why some people get healed this side of heaven and some don’t until they are in Jesus’ arms. Nonetheless, I now have followed Jesus long enough to know that He’s always faithful and always good. Man is not not perfect, but He is. There are things we will not understand the reason for this side of heaven, but He is trustworthy and He doesn’t waste any pain when we surrender it to Him.

I’m not sure when, but at some point the pain of scarcity also became a belief that I am not enough. Perhaps because I’m almost equally a 9 (peace keeper) and 1 (perfectionist) on the Enneagram personality profile. I aim for perfection for myself.

In the Gospel of Luke, chapter 10, Luke tells a story about two sisters, Mary and Martha who were hosting Jesus for a meal. When Jesus arrived at their home, Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and was listening to him, and Martha was so frustrated with her sister that she said to Jesus, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to serve alone? So tell her to give me a hand.”

Jesus answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her”. (Martha was probably also a 1 on the Enneagram. Although since I’m equally a 9, I would probably have opted for artificial peace and not called her out to Jesus).

I see myself in Martha. In fact, I may get it from my sweet Grandma Bentz, who was appropriately named Martha. I have precious memories of my Grandpa lovingly saying to her, “Martha, Martha…” when she would get stressed out.

I don’t think that I’m alone in struggling with anxiety either. It has been documented by physicians that between 60-80% of primary care visits are stress related.

So now that I am aware that the root of much of the anxiety that I feel is likely tied to a pain or mindset that I’ve identified as scarcity, where do I go from here? Here are my daily habits since January that have helped:

1. Spend time in Scripture, being grateful, and journaling. Starting my day this way is a game changer. It sets my heart and mind in a healthy place before I take on the demands of the day. Nothing has the power to change our lives and change our thoughts like Scripture. After reading, thinking about all there is to be grateful for. As the Lord speaks to my heart, I journal what I am thinking and feeling. Throughout the day when it tries to pop up, I interrupt anxiety with gratitude. It really does help. Scripture says this:

   Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

   -Philippians 4:6-8

2. Bring light to the fact and share that I am struggling. The enemy loses his power when things get out of the darkness and brought into the light. We find freedom in the light. As Tyler and I have gone on walks together recently, I’ve shared what I’m feeling and processing. If you are struggling, I invite you to open up to a trusted friend, spouse, or a counselor.

3. Stop and ask, what is it that is causing me to feel this way? When I have felt the anxiety welling up in my chest I have found that usually, I’m trying to be perfect or at least appear to be perfect and I’m feeling that I’m running out of time. Or, my circumstances are not perfect and I feel a loss of control. I ask Jesus to help me surrender that desire for perfection to him. Then I remind myself that whomever it is that I’m trying to be perfect for, will still love me even when they find out I’m not perfect. (Guess what? They already know that I’m not 🙂

4. Be physically active daily. In this new year, with the exception of Sundays, I am doing some form of exercise everyday. Physical activity releases endorphins, which interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain. The result is feeling happier, being more relaxed and feeling less anxious. Just going for a walk releases endorphins! Winter time in the Pacific Northwest can create a challenge for walking outside, however, there are resources to make exercising at home very doable and inexpensive or free. If you’d like some suggestions, please reach out to me as I have found home workouts effective since my children were babies.

5. Read books. Social media and TV will not help anxiety. In fact, I believe that social media especially will contribute to anxiety. Reading books that feed my mind and my soul can help. Here is what I currently am reading or have on my bookshelf to read next to help me work through anxiety:

   • Get Out or Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts , by Jennie Allen

   • Don’t Give the Enemy a Seat at Your Table: It’s Time to Win the Battle of Your Mind , by Louie Giglio

   • Nothing to Prove: Why We Can Stop Trying So Hard , by Jennie Allen

6. Serve others with what is near and dear to your heart. By using the passions and gifts that God has given me to serve others, I take the focus off of my needs and challenges and get to find joy in meeting a need or encouraging someone else. I loved a moment this past Christmas when my 11 year old daughter was wrapping gifts for her friends and she told me that it really is more fun to give gifts than to get them. Giving our time, resources, and talents to others brings joy to us.

7. Try natural remedies. (Or talk to your doctor about medication if needed). Over the years, and especially this past month there are few natural remedies that have helped me when I start to feel anxious. (Always check with your health care professional if you are on medication, pregnant, or nursing before taking any new supplements).

   • Ashwagandha is an herb that has been used for centuries in India. Several studies have shown ashwagandha to reduce stress and anxiety levels. Most days I take this in supplement form in the late morning and I have found it to be very helpful without a foggy brain feeling.

   • Stress Relieve Kava Tea Anxiety most often hits me in the afternoon and when I been to feel the pressure in my chest, I often steep a cup of this tea. Most grocery stores sell it.

   • Natural Vitality Calm Magnesium has been shown to support healthy function of the brain and nervous system and many of us do not get enough magnesium in our diets. Every evening, right before bed I mix this magnesium powder in about 3/4 cup of warm water and sip it.

   • Stress Relief Aromatherapy Blends I have a few essential oil diffusers throughout our house and have found that it is helpful to diffuse oils that have traditionally been shown to lower stress levels. Lavender and vanilla are common ones. Lately I’ve been diffusing a blend called “stress relief” that I’ve enjoyed.

I truly believe that in Jesus we can experience healing from our pain, whatever the origin, and He offers us a way to overcome adversity and have abundant life in Him. As I have been intentional to stop distracting anxiety away, but rather seek healing, God has been faithful. I hope you found some encouragement in hearing my struggle and how Jesus is leading me in overcoming anxiety. What about you? Are you struggling? What have you found helpful?

*I am not a medical doctor or licensed counselor. If you are suffering from severe anxiety, please seek professional help.